Melancholy?

melancholy, n.
3. [Rare.] Pensive contemplation; serious and sober reflection...Syn.: see grief

pensive
1. Engaged in or addicted to serious or quiet reflection; musing: thoughtful...

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Funk & Wagnalls New Standard Dictionary of the English Language, 1939


I don't know if this exactly describes my mood, but sometimes I think that it does.  Don't ask me exactly why (1. I don't completely know, and 2. What I may know I don't always want to discuss)...but suffice to say while I may always be one for quiet reflection I do not want to be forever characterized as melancholic.  But how long will it last?  I can say that God only knows and mean it, and I do.  That should help my peace of mind, and in one sense it does because I ultimately trust that God will provide and care for me.  But sometimes in the immediate sense I still worry, I still ponder, I still wonder, I still contemplate...pensively...  I ask "why?" and I do not have an answer currently.  I pray that God will give me the patience to endure until there is an answer I understand...

~Matt