Tonight our third family movie night in a row was Middle-earth themed with the Extended Edition of The Return of the King. While the kids didn’t say much at the start they did open up as the movie went on.
DVD Selection screen
6YO: “I think that was the Red Book. Was it Dad?”
Opening scene starts (closeup of Sméagol and worm)
6YO: “Is that Gollum what he used to be?”
8YO: “What is this?”
6YO: “It is when the ring is found.”
8YO: “How do you know?”
Gollum: “Very close to Mordor. No safe places there.”
8YO: “Don’t drink from the Morgul Vale!”
As Pippin crept towards Gandalf to take the Palantír the eight year old covered her eyes as she knew what was coming (based on the book) and didn’t want to see it.
Suddenly out of nowhere as Pippen and Gandalf take off for Minas Tirith.
6YO: “Saruman isn’t dead!!”
Minas Tirith
8YO: “Why is there a rock coming out of the walls?”
Gandalf: “Minas Tirith, city of kings.”
8YO: “There isn’t a king right now.”
6YO: “Aragorn will be king.”
8YO: “Right now there is just a steward.”
Gandalf: “It’s better if you just don’t say anything Peregrin Took.”
8YO:
*oliphaunt on screen*
6YO: “Those ARE elephants!”
Me: “They’re oliphaunts.”
6YO: “They’re related to elephants at least.”
Gandalf: “He is the Lord of the Nazgûl.”
6YO: “EEEEEEE!!! He’s the one I hate the most except Sauron.”
*pilar of light from Minas Morgul pierces the clouds*
8YO: “What’s that?”
Me:
“I don’t know.”
*fell beast lands*
6YO: “What’s that?”
Me: “A fell beast that the Nazgûl ride.”
8YO: “What’s it called?”
Me: “A fell beast.”
8YO: “I recognized one mistake very clearly. The incident at the tower.”
My wife: “What tower?”
8YO: “The one at Isengard. It’s supposed to happen at the very end! It’s playing in fast motion, the story!”
8YO: “Why is [Minas Morgul] glowing?”
I read the passage about it in the book and hypothesized that the glow was meant to make it look evil and different.
8YO: “Why doesn’t it look like Minas Tirith?”
Me: “They were made for different purposes.”
8YO: “Was one made for fighting Morgoth?”
Me: “Minas Ithil was made to keep Sauron in.”
8YO: “Oops, I keep getting the dark lords mixed up.”
*fighting in Osgiliath begins*
8YO: “Do you want to hear what I think? They should launch the orc’s boats so they can’t escape by river.”
8YO: “What is that?”
My wife: “It’s a beacon.”
8YO: “Why did he set it on fire?”
8YO: “Who’s that, wearing red?”
Me: “Éomer.”
6YO: “The girl’s brother.”
Gimli: “I wish I could muster a legion of dwarves, fully armed and filthy.”
6YO: “I think he means they don’t have jewels. That’s just my opinion!!”
*Faramir and company ride from Osgiliath*
8YO: “I thought the people of Minas Tirith didn’t use horses.”
*Frodo, Sam, and Gollum climb what looks like a cliff face*
8YO: “I thought it was actual stairs.”
*Pippin talks to Faramir in Minas Tirith*
8YO: “Where is Beregond?”
Me: “Beregond isn’t in the movie.”
8YO: “WHAT? Beregond isn’t in the movie?!?”
*Denethor says something in the throne room*
8YO: “Does he ever leave that room?”
The eight year old complained about the women and children still being in Minas Tirith in the movie. She said even the men of Rohan put the women and children in the caves at Helm’s Deep.
*Faramir and troops leave Minas Tirith*
6YO: “Are they going towards Mordor?”
8YO: “The incoming orcs.”
*Denethor starts to eat*
6YO: “Is that food all for him?”
My wife: “Is that a lot of food?”
6YO: “A hobbit could look at that and say it was a tiny bit.”
My wife: “A tiny bit of what?”
6YO: “Breakfast!”
6YO: “What was that red stuff coming from his mouth?”
8YO: “Tomato juice.”
*looking towards the Dimholt*
Éomer: “None who venture there return.”
6YO: “Aragorn will!”
Éomer (to Éowyn): “War is the province of men.”
6YO: “NO! She will go!”
8YO: “And Merry will go. That’s a good thing. She and Merry kill a Nazgûl.”
*Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli ride to the Paths of the Dead*
6YO: “Gimli’s supposed to be complaining about the horse.”
8YO: “He hates horses.”
6YO: “Complaining! Complaining!”
Legolas: “They promised to serve the last king of Gondor.”
Me: “No, they promised to serve Isildur. You’re wrong Legolas.”
8YO: “They probably wanted it to be more dramatic.”
*trolls bang on drums as Sauron’s army approaches Minas Tirith*
6YO: “How did they tame those trolls?”
*Aragon emerges from the Paths of the Dead*
Me: “That’s not very many ships.”
My wife: “It doesn’t look very menacing.”
*Faramir is dragged into the city by his horse*
8YO: “Wasn’t it a Prince or something that brought him in?”
Me: “Prince Imrahil.”
8YO: “Yeah. Prince Imrahil.”
*orc commander gives the order to attack*
6YO: “Does he just have one eye? He is ugly!”
*catapult boulder hits Minas Tirith wall that crumbles*
6YO: “That was badly built!!”
*fell beasts scream over Minas Tirith*
6YO: “What does the screaming do?”
Me: “It’s like the fear in the books.”
Gandalf: “Kill the trolls!”
8YO: “Or the beasts the Nazgûl are riding!”
Gandalf (to Pippin): “This is no place for a hobbit.”
8YO: “They’re saying that to everyone. Merry and Pippin!”
8YO: “What is that?”
Me: “Grond, a bartering ram.”
6YO: “Why is there fire in his mouth? That would kill him.”
My wife: “Do you want to stop here?”
8YO: “No! We want to see if there are more mistakes.”
My wife: “Or you could just enjoy the movie.”
Me: “You enjoy it your way, we’ll enjoy it our way.”
8YO: “Weren’t there more people with Aragorn?”
Me: “Yes. The Dúnedain.”
6YO: “The Rangers.”
The four year old fell asleep at one point, but I made sure to wake him up before Shelob appeared.
6YO: “Is Shelob hungry for light too?”
Me: “You mean like Ungoliant?”
6YO: “Yeah.”
6YO: “There was a blossom on the White Tree. Men do have hope!”
*as Grond breaches the gate*
8YO: “Ohh, so is the fire there so if the gate is made of wood it will burn?”
*Sam holds glowing phial up to Shelob*
8YO: “Wouldn’t Ungoliant suck the light out of that glass?”
My wife: “Frodo died.”
6YO & 8YO: “No he didn’t!”
6YO: “He’s asleep…. He looks like a mummy.”
Gorbag: “Get him to the tower.”
8YO: “Does that mean Barad-dur?”
Me: “No. Cirith Ungol.”
*horn of Rohan blows*
8YO: “Is this the battle where the Nazgûl dies?
Was the sword made to fight against him or the Nazgûl?”
Me: “Him [meaning the Witch King of Angmar].”
6YO: “It couldn’t be a random sword.”
*Rohirrim prepare to ride*
8YO: “Are they going to do a pincer movement?”
8YO: “Shouldn’t they [Rohirrim] attack from the back?”
My wife: “They are.”
8YO: “No, as the orcs are facing Minas Tirith, not them.”
6YO: “The Orcs are in the middle of the sandwich!” *laugh*
*oliphaunts move towards Rohirrim*
6YO chants: “Oliphaunts. Oliphaunts. Oliphaunts. Oliphaunts.”
8YO: “Now everybody is in a sandwich. Good guys and bad guys.”
6YO: “I think oliphaunts can kill with their feet.”
*green Jell-O starts to swarm the battlefield*
6YO: “The dead can’t be killed.”
Gimli: “That still only counts as one.”
8YO:
“Did you hear that? He doesn’t want Legolas to get extra points for an oliphaunt.”
*Théoden talks to Éowyn as he dies*
8YO: *sigh* “It was Éomer that talked to him with his last words!”
8YO: “Are orcs like me or elves? Are they mortal or immortal?”
Me: “Mortal.”
[I just noticed, in the movie we never see Sam actually put the ring on, he appears to only carry it.]
6YO: “Why does his [Aragorn] hair look straight? It was curly before.”
*Lords of the West ride towards Mordor*
6YO: “I want to know why Aragorn’s hair is straight.”
My wife: “He finally took a shower.”
*Frodo and Sam walk across Plains of Gorgoroth*
8YO: “How are they surviving with only water?”
Me: “The movie made it much shorter instead of things taking days and days.”
6YO: “Why does his hair look straight?”
*Black Gate opens*
8YO: “It worked.”
My wife: “They’re not at Mount Doom yet.”
8YO: “I mean the diversion.”
8YO: “Does the ring have a mind of its own?”
*fell beasts fly over the Black Gate*
My wife (to 6YO): “look, your favorite.”
8YO: “There’s only eight!”
*eagles join battle before the Black Gate*
8YO: “Are these the same kind of eagles Bilbo saw?
6YO: “I think so. And the eagles can talk. Not just screech!”
*Frodo and Sam lie atop outcrop amidst lava*
8YO: “When are the eagles coming?”
Sam: “If ever I was going to marry someone it would be her [Rosie].”
8YO. “He is going to marry her silly.”
6YO: “Don’t call Sam silly!”
8YO: “Why did they need three eagles?”
8YO: “I can’t tell Merry and Pippin apart. I can tell Frodo and Sam apart but not Merry and Pippin.”
8YO: “…all the Fellowship.”
My wife: “Sam’s not there.”
8YO: “I said almost.”
*Sam enters*
8YO: “There!”
*Aragorn kisses Arwen*
6YO: *covers eyes*
6YO: “Why are they all bowing to the hobbits?”
My wife: “Because the king did.”
Me: “Who saved them?”
6YO: “Oh, the hobbits did.”
My wife: “Think how weird it was to see the tops of their heads.”
*hobbits in tavern at end*
4YO: “They have a pumpkin. Mommy, a really big pumpkin!”
*Rosie and Samwise kiss*
4YO: “Ewwww.”
There were no comments about the Scouring of the Shire being missing.
*Frodo closes Bilbo’s book that he finished*
6YO: “Is that the Red Book?”
*Bilbo boards the boat*
8YO: “Doesn’t Frodo go too?”
Gandalf: “I will not say do not weep for not all tears are an evil.”
8YO: “Doesn’t Frodo go too?”
8YO: “Is it going to show the after bits about Sam?”
My wife: “Just wait.”
8YO: “I hope it does.”
*Frodo hugs Pippin*
8YO: “Is that Merry or Pippin?”
6YO: “Pippin.”
8YO: “How can you tell?”
6YO: “I just know.”
*Frodo looks back*
8YO: *waves at screen*
8YO: “Did Merry and Pippin ever marry somebody?”
Me: “Yes.”
*Rosie kisses Sam*
6YO: “Ew.”
6YO: “Do they live in that house now?”
8YO: “Is Sam living in Bag End?”
Me: “Yes.”
*The End*
6YO: “Aww, they don’t even let us see Valinor?”
8YO: “Daddy, why didn’t it show Sam’s box of dirt? Are there after bits?”
8YO: “I can’t wait until next week.”
My wife: “What’s next week?”
8YO: “The Hobbit.” (The 1977 animated one)
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