Sunday Sermon: Marriage Surgery

"When Marriage and Mercy Collide"
The Power of the Gospel in Marriage

Doing Surgery - part 2
The Neglected Practice of Loving Correction
November 22, 2009; Brad Bigney

I. Invite and Pursue Correction from Your Spouse--Don't Wait for Them to Come to You

II. Always Start with a Personal 'Heart-Check' - but then have the Courage to Allow God to Use You to Do Surgery on Your Spouse

2 Samuel 11:1-15, 26-27; 12:1-9, 13
Nathan confronted David about a year after the incident...

David - a godly man way off track

#1 God pursues sinners
#2 God uses sinners to pursue other sinners

When someone close to you is running from the truth, love demands that you speak.
[extended quote from When Sinners Say 'I Do' by David Harvey, pp. 117-118]
NT- calls us to be ambassadors of reconciliation

2 Cor 5:17-6:1 (HCSB)
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come. Now everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ; certain that God is appealing through us, we plead on Christ's behalf, "Be reconciled to God." He made the One who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. Working together with Him, we also appeal to you: "Don't receive God's grace in vain."

>>"Pre-op" questions you should to ask:
(Adapted from "When Sinners Say 'I Do' " by David Harvey)

1. Have I prayed or am I just reacting and going in the flesh?

Col 4:2,6 (HCSB)
"Devote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving.
"Your speech should always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person."

Heartfelt cry--not just perfunctory, this reminds you of your limitations

2. Am I going because I see a pattern or am I just reacting to a single incident?

Guard against 'Sola Illustrata' - and make sure you're going because there's a sin pattern: "love covers a multitude of sins"

I Peter 4:7-11 (HCSB)
"Now the end of all things is near; therefore, be clear-headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serves, his service should be from the strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen."

3. Am I focused on one area or am I going in with a 'laundry list' of concerns?

Rifle or shot gun (or even machine gun)?
Narrow the focus--if you're living with another sinner there is much you can see (and much they can see in you), otherwise too much--they stop listening. Past conviction into condemnation.

4. Can I be concise or am I just going to 'unload' and pontificate?

Can you say it in a sentence?
Don't keep them under the knife longer than you have to.

Prov 12:18 (HCSB)
"There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Prov 10:19 (HCSB)
"When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise."

Don't say too much, don't talk too long.
(smallest incision possible)

5. Is this a 'hit and run' or am I willing to see this problem through to the end?

Commit to post-operative care
Patterns don't change quickly

6. Am I ready to ask questions or am I in a hurry to make accusations?

Don't jump to conclusions. Humility always assumes "I could be wrong."

You'll never have perfect insight into another person's heart...not even your spouse.

I Cor 13:4-7 (HCSB)
Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

7. Am I focused on promoting God's Truth or my own preference?

The best reproof is one that's motivated by our desire to help our spouse become more like Christ...and to please God...not just make our lives more comfortable.



~Matt

-- Posted from my iPhone
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